quelque chose se dit...
HUMOUR
Murphy & al.'s Law
Quelques lois naturelles... extracted from a freeware by Mike
Stanley. Can you spot the one HE invented?
See more on Ultimate Collection
of Murphy's Laws
The Murphy Philosophy:
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
Garde le sourire... demain sera pire.
Murphy's Law #1:
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Rien n'est aussi simple qu'il n'y parait.
Murphy's Law #2:
Everything takes longer than you think.
Tout prend plus de temps qu'on ne le pense.
Murphy's Law #3:
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Si ça peut mal tourner, ça tournera mal.
Murphy's Law #4:
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause
the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Si plusieurs choses peuvent mal tourner, c'est celle qui cause le plus de dommage
qui tournera mal.
Corollary:
If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
S'il existe un pire moment pour que quelque chose tourne mal, c'est à
ce moment là que ça se va se produire.
Murphy's Law #5:
If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Tout ce qui est trop simple pour mal tourner, tournera mal.
Murphy's Law #6:
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go
wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly
develop.
Si vous cherchez à vous prévenir de quatre possibles risques qu'une
opération ne tourne mal, alors une cinquième risque non prévu
verra le jour dans la foulé.
Murphy's Law #7:
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Laissée à elle même les chose tendent à aller de mal en
pis.
Farnsdick's Corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Après que les choses sont allées de mal en pis, le cycle recommence.
Murphy's Law #8:
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Si tout semble se dérouler sans problème, c'est que vous avez
occulté quelque chose.
Murphy's Law #9:
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
La Nature est toujours du côté des vices cachés.
Murphy's Law #10:
Mother nature is a bitch.
Mère Nature est une chienne.
Murphy's Law #11:
It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
On ne peux rien faire qui soit à l'épreuve d'erreurs imbéciles,
les imbéciles sont trop ingénieux.
Murphy's Law #12:
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Quoi qu'on se décide à faire, quelque chose d'autre doit être
fait d'abord.
Murphy's Law #13:
Every solution breeds new problems.
Toute solution engendre de nouveaux problèmes.
Murphy's Law #14:
Fixing a thing takes longer and costs more than you thought.
Toute réparation est plus longue et plus coûteuse qu'on ne le pense.
Murphy's Law #15:
Complex problems have simple, easy-to-understand wrong answers.
Les problèmes complexes ont toujours des solutions simples, facile à
comprendre, et éronnées.
Murphy's Law #16:
If several things that could have gone wrong have not gone wrong, it would have
been ultimately beneficial for them to have gone wrong.
Si plusieurs chose qui pouvez mal tourner n'ont pas mal tourné, il aurait
mieux value qu'elles aient mal tourné.
Murphy's Constant:
Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
La matière subit des dommages inversement proportionnels à sa
valeur.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics:
Things get worse under pressure.
Les choses empirent sous pression.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law:
Everything goes wrong all at once.
Tout va mal en même temps.
The New Math Version of Murphy's Law:
If there is a 50/50 chance of something going wrong, nine times out of ten it
will.
S'il y a une chance sur deux que quelque chose tourne mal, ça arrivera neuf
fois sur dix.
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law:
Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy était optimist.
Orion's Law:
Everything breaks down.
Tout se casse.
Ginsberg's Restatement of the Three Laws of Thermodynamics:
You can't win.
On ne peux pas gagner.
You can't break even.
On ne peux s'en tirer à bon compte.
You can't quit.
On ne peux pas abandonner.
Klipstein's Law:
Tolerances will accumulate unidirectionally toward maximum difficulty of assembly.
La tolérance va s'accumuler unilatéralement en direction de la
plus grande difficulté de rassemblement.
Klipstein's Observation:
Any product cut to length will be too short.
Tout produit coupé sur mesure sera trop court.
Klipstein's Lament:
All warranty and guarantee clauses are voided by payment of the invoice.
Toute clause de garantie et de support est nullifié par le payment de
la facture.
Klipstein's Law of Specifications:
In specifications, Murphy's Law supersedes Ohm's.
En matière de spécifications, la Loi de Murphy l'emporte sur celle
d'Ohm.
Army Law:
If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it
up, paint it.
Si ça bouge, on salut; si ça ne bouge pas, on ramasse; si ça ne se ramasse pas,
on paint.
Army Axiom:
Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Tout ordre qui peut être mal compris est mal compris.
Murphy's Military Law #1:
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you are.
Ne jamais partager une cache avec quelqu'un de plus brave.
Murphy's Military Law #2:
No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Les plans de bataille ne résistent pas au contact avec l'ennemi.
Murphy's Military Law #3:
Friendly fire ain't.
Les tirs amis ne le sont pas.
Murphy's Military Law #4:
The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map.
La chose la plus dangereuse en zone de combat est un officier avec une carte.
Murphy's Military Law #5:
The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined
it.
Le problème avec l'issue de secours la plus sûre c'est que l'ennemie
l'a déjà minée.
Murphy's Military Law #6:
The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody
else to shoot at.
Le system de binôme est essentiel pour survivre; ça donne à l'ennemi
une autre cible à descendre.
Murphy's Military Law #7:
The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery
will shoot short.
Plus on avance sur la ligne de front, plus il devient probable que l'artillerie
tire trop court.
Murphy's Military Law #8:
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Les tirs entrant sont prioritaires.
Murphy's Military Law #9:
If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
Quand on avance sans embuche, on se dirige vers une embuche.
Murphy's Military Law #10:
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
Le fourrier n'à que deux tailles en stock: trop grand et trop petit.
Murphy's Military Law #11:
If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap.
Pour contacter un officier en cas d'urgence, faire une sieste.
Murphy's Military Law #12:
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.
Les tirs suppressifs ne fonctionnent que sur des positions abandonnées.
Murphy's Military Law #13:
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
La seule chose plus précise qu'un tir entrant est un tir ami entrant.
Murphy's Military Law #14:
There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and
miss.
Rien n'est plus satisfaisant que d'être pris pour cible, par un tir râté.
Murphy's Military Law #15:
Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire. Out of the combat zone,
it draws sergeants.
Eviter de se faire remarquer. En zone de combat, ça attire les tirs. Hors zone
de combat, ça attire les sergents.
Murphy's Military Law #16:
If your sergeant can see you, so can the enemy
Etre visible à son sergent, c'est être visible à l'ennemi.
Murphy's Military Law #17:
A failure will not appear till a unit has passed final inspection.
Une défaillance ne verra le jour qu'après la dernière inspection
de l'unité.
Thoughts on Programming, Number 52:
The user does not know what he wants until he sees what he gets.
L'usager ne sait pas ce qu'il veut jusqu'à ce qu'il voit ce qu'il a.
Murphy's Technology Law #1:
After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done.
Après que tout est dit et fait, beaucoup plus est dit que fait.
Murphy's Technology Law #2:
Any circuit design must contain at least one part which is obsolete, two parts
which are unobtainable and three parts which are still under development.
La conception de tout circuit doit contenir au moins une pièce obsolète,
deux qui sont introuvables et trois qui sont en cours de dévelopement.
Murphy's Technology Law #3:
If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious.
Quand on ne le comprend pas, c'est intuitivement évident.
Murphy's Technology Law #4:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Quand une expérience réussie, quelque chose a mal tourné.
Murphy's Technology Law #5:
Any simple theory will be worded in the most complicated way.
Toute thérorie simple sera exprimée en termes aussi compliqués
que possible.
Murphy's Technology Law #6:
The degree of technical competence is inversely proportional to the level of
management.
Le degré de compétence technique est inversement proportionnel
au niveau managerial.
Troutman's Programming Law #1:
If a test installation functions perfectly, all subsequent systems will malfunction.
Si une installation test marche à la perfection, tout système
qui en découle faillira.
Troutman's Programming Law #2:
Not until a program has been in production for at least six months will the
most harmful error then be discovered.
Le errors les plus graves ne sont pas découvertes avant six mois de fonctionnement
en mode de production.
Troutman's Programming Law #3:
Job control cards that cannot be arranged in improper order will be.
Les cartes de contrôle non-interchangeables par erreur... le sont.
Troutman's Programming Law #4:
Interchangeable tapes won't.
Les bandes interchangeables... ne le sont pas.
Troutman's Programming Law #5:
If the input editor has been designed to reject all bad input, an ingenious
idiot will discover a method to get bad data past it.
Si l'éditeur d'entrée de données est fait pour rejeter
toute donnée invalide, un idiot ingénieux va découvrir
une méthode pour faire passer de telles données.
Brooks's First Law:
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Appeler à la rescousse plus d'ingénieurs pour sauver un projet
de développement de logiciel qui a pris du retard... ne fera que le retarder.
Brooke's Second Law:
Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something
which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
Une fois qu'un système en viens à être complétement
définit, une imbécile toruvera toujours quelque chose qui soit
fera s'écrouler le system, ou le changera en tout points.
Laws of Programming / Loi de la Programmation:
Definition: A working program is one that has only unobserved bugs.
Définition: On dit d'un programme qu'il marche quand aucun de ses bogues
n'est observable.
Laws of Programming #1:
Every non-trivial program has at least one bug.
Tout programme un tant soit peu utile a au moins un bogue.
Corollary 1:
A sufficient condition for program triviality is that it have no bugs.
Ne pas avoir de bogue est une condition suffisante pour rendre un programme
inutile.
Corollary 2:
At least one bug will be observed after the author leaves the organization.
Au moins un bogue sera observé après que l'auteur du programme
a quitté la compagnie.
Laws of Programming #2:
Bugs will appear in one part of a working program when another 'unrelated' part
is modified.
Les bogues se développent dans une zone d'un programme quand une autre
partie qui "n'a rien à voir" est modifiée.
Laws of Programming #3:
The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
Les bogues les plus subtiles causent le plus de dégâts.
Corollary:
A subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other problem.
Une bogue subtile modifie le support d'enregistrement afin de faire croire à
un problème matériel.
Laws of Programming #4 ('Lulled into Security Law'/'Loi du Leurre Qui Rassure')):
A 'debugged' program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices
when there is the least available backup.
Un programme "débogué" qui s'écrase va effacer
les fichiers sources sur le support d'enregistrement qui est sauvegardé
le moins souvent.
Laws of Programming #5:
A hardware failure will cause system software to crash, and the customer engineer
will blame the programmer.
Un disfuntionnement matériel va provoqué une défaillance
logicielle, et le technicien va blâmer le programmeur.
Laws of Programming #6:
A system software crash will cause hardware to act strangely and the programmers
will blame the customer engineer.
Une défaillance logicielle va provoqué des disfuntionnements matériels,
et le programmeur va blâmer le technicien.
Laws of Programming #7:
The documented interfaces between standard software modules will have undocumented
quirks.
Les interfaces entre des modules de programme standards produisent des erreurs
non-standards.
Laws of Programming #8:
The probability of a hardware failure disappearing is inversely proportional
to the distance between the computer and the customer engineer.
La probabilité qu'une défaillance matérielle disparaisse
est inversement proportionnelle à la distance entre l'ordinateur et le
soutien après-vente..
Laws of Programming #9:
Any given program, when running, is obsolete.
Tout programme, lorsqu'il est executé, est obsolète.
Laws of Programming #10:
Any program will expand to fill all available memory.
Tout programme tend à utiliser l'ensemble de la mémoire disponible.
Laws of Programming #11:
Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer to
maintain it.
La complexité d'un programme augmente jusqu'au point où le programmeur n'est
plus capable d'en faire la maintenance.
Laws of Programming #12:
Any given program costs more and takes longer.
Tout programme coûte plus cher et prends plus de temps.
Laws of Programming #13:
If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
Si un programme est utile, il est temps de le changer.
Laws of Programming #14:
If a program is useless, it will have to be documented
Si un programme est inutile, il est temps de faire un manuel d'utilisation.
Finagle's First Law:
If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Si une expérience marche, quelque chose a raté.
Finagle's Second Law:
No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to:
(a) Misinterpret it;
(b) fake it;
(c) or believe it supports his own pet theory.
Quelque soit les résultats d'une expérience il se trouve toujours quelqu'un
pour:
(a) En faire une interprétation erroné;
(b) les falsifier;
(c) ou affirmer qu'ils supporte sa propre théorie.
Finagle's Third Law:
In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need
of checking, is the mistake.
Dans toute collection
Corollaries
1. No one whom you ask for help will see it.
2. Everyone who stops by with unsought advice will see it immediately.
Finagle's Fourth Law:
Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
Herblock's Law:
If it's good, they'll stop making it.
Law of the Individual:
Nobody really cares or understands what anyone else is doing.
Jaroslovsky's Law:
The distance you have to park from your apartment increases in proportion to
the weight of packages you are carrying.
Jenkinson's Law:
It won't work.
John's Collateral Corollary:
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
Johnson's First Law:
When any mechanical contrivance fails, it will do so at the most inconvenient
time.
Johnson-Laird's Law:
Toothache tends to start on Saturday night.
Koppett's Law:
Whatever creates the greatest inconvenience for the largest number must happen.
Laura's Law:
No child throws up in the bathroom.
(F)law of Long-Range Planning:
The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is, the more
likely it is to go wrong:
Lowrey's Law of Expertise:
Just when you get really good at something, you don't need to do it any more.
The Unspeakable Law:
As soon as you mention something...:
- if it's good, it goes away:
- if it's bad, it happens..
Davis's Basic Law of Medicine:
Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
Dhawan's Law for the Non-Smoker #1:
The cigarette smoke always drifts in the direction of the non-smoker regardless
of the direction of the breeze
Dhawan's Law for the Non-Smoker #2:
The amout of pleasure derived from a cigarette is directly proportional to the
number of non-smokers in the vicinity
Dhawan's Law for the Non-Smoker #3:
A smoker is always attracted to the non-smoking section
Dhawan's Law for the Non-Smoker #4:
The life of a cigarette is directly proportional to the intensity of the protests
from the non-smokers.
Dieter's Law:
Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
Dude's Law of Duality:
Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
Eliot's Observation:
Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
Old Engineer's Law:
The larger the project or job, the less time there is to do it.
Fetridge's Law:
Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when
people are looking.
Finagle's Laws of Information:
1. The information you have is not what you want.
2. The information you want is not what you need.
3. The information you need is not what you can obtain.
4. The information you can obtain costs more than you want to pay.
Flap's Law:
Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be
expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that
are either entirely obscure or completely mysterious.
Freeman's Rule:
Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.
Goodin's Law of Conversions:
The new hardware will break down as soon as the old is disconnected and out.
Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom:
Anyone who says he is not going to resign, four times, definitely will.
Gumperson's Proof:
The most undesirable things are the most certain (death and taxes).
Boyle's Observation:
A welfare state is one that assumes responsibility for the health, happiness,
and general well-being of all its citizens except the taxpayers.
Wiker's Law:
Government expands to absorb revenue and then some.
Baxter's First Law:
Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national
standard of living.
Baer's Quartet:
What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is good economics;
what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics is good politics.
Hardin's Law:
Every time you come up with a terrific idea, you find that someone else thought
of it first.
Barrett's Law of Driving #1:
You can get ANYWHERE in ten minutes if you go fast enough.
Barrett's Law of Driving #2:
Speed bumps are of negligible effect when the vehicle exceeds triple the desired
restraining speed.
Barrett's Law of Driving #3:
The vehicle in front of you is travelling slower than you are.
Barrett's Law of Driving #4:
This lane ends in 500 feet.
Berson's Corollary of Inverse Distances:
The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space
vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.
Bruce-Brigg's Law of Traffic:
At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
Clark's Law:
It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
Clyde's Law:
If you have something to do, and put it off long enough, chances are that someone
else will do it for you.
Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
Cooke's Law:
In any decisive situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely
proportional to the importance of the decision.
Cornuelle's Law:
Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
Corry's Law:
Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #1:
The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail you
chose to hike always comes out positive.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #2:
Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly
the point of most pressure.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #3:
The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food
you consume from it.
If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway
Barber's Law of Backpacking #4:
The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of
hours you have been on the trail.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #5:
The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to
the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #6:
The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional to the
number of hours you have been on the trail.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #7:
The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight
approaches.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #8:
The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours
you have been on the trail..
Barber's Law of Backpacking #9:
When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full..
Barber's Law of Backpacking #10:
If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
Barber's Law of Backpacking #11:
The local density of mosquitoes is inversely proportional to your remaining
repellent.
Bicycle Law:
All bicycles weigh 50 pounds:
A 30 pound bicycle needs a 20 pound lock.
A 40 pound bicycle needs a 10 pound lock.
A 50 pound bicycle doesn't need a lock.
First Law of Bicycling:
No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
Cohen's Law:
What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts, not the
facts themselves.
Comin's Law:
People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin
said it first.
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction.
2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
Gerrold's Law:
A little ignorance can go a long way.
Langin's Law:
If things were left to chance, they'd be better.
Sevareid's Law:
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Thoreau's Law:
If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intention of doing you good,
you should run for your life.
Pournelle's Law of Costs and Schedules:
Everything costs more and takes longer.
Sueker's Note:
If you need an items of anything, you will have none in stock.
Rosenfield's Regret:
The most delicate component will be dropped.
De La Lastra's Law:
After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover,
it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
De La Lastra's Corollary:
After an access cover has been secured by 16 hold-down screws, it will be discovered
that the gasket has been omitted.
Conway's Law:
In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going
on. This person must be fired.
Stewart's Law of Retroaction:
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
Horngren's Observation (generalized):
The real world is a special case.
Merkin's Maxim:
When in doubt, predict that the present trend will continue.
Hawkin's Theory of Progress:
Progress does not consist of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that
is right. It consists of replacing a theory that is wrong with one that is more
subtly wrong.
Matz's Warning:
Beware of the physician who is great at getting out of trouble.
Gold's Law:
If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Lewis' Law:
People will buy anything that's one to a customer.
Shirley's Law:
Most people deserve each other.
Katz's Law:
Men and women will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted.
Cole's Axiom:
The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick
himself up and continue on.
The Whispered Rule:
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
Farnsdick's Corollary:
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Lynch's Law:
When the going gets tough, everybody leaves.
Langsam's Law:
Everything depends.
Hellrung's Law:
If you wait, it will go away.
Shevelson's Extension:
... having done its damage.
Grelb's Addition:
... if it was bad, it will be back.
Ducharme's Precept:
Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Witten's Law:
Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.
Perkin's Postulate:
The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Harrison's Postulate:
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Carson's Law:
It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
Korman's Conclusion:
The trouble with resisting temptation is it may never come your way again.
John Cameron's Law:
No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll
never be quite the same again.
Knight's Law:
Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
Wyszowski's Law:
No experiment is reproducible.
Fett's Law:
Never replicate a successful experiment.
Peter's Placebo:
An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour:
People are always available for work in the past tense.
Zymurgy's First Law of Evolving Systems Dynamics:
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger
can.
Weiler's Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who does not have to do it himself.
Hartley's Second Law:
Never go to bed with anybody crazier than you are.
Beifeld's Principle:
The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female
increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of.
(1) a date,
(2) his wife, and
(3) a better looking and richer male friend.
Commoner's Second Law of Ecology:
Nothing ever goes away.
Glatum's Law of Materialistic Acquisitiveness:
The perceived usefulness of an article is inversely proportional to its actual
usefulness once bought and paid for.
Lewis' Law:
No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it
will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
Wyszkowski's Second Law:
Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
Schmidt's Law:
If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Sattinger's Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Lowery's Law:
If it jams - force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Anthony's Law of Force:
Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.
Advanced Systems News Letter:
The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
Jake's Law:
Anything hit with a big enough hammer will fall apart.
Peer's Law:
The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Rudin's Law:
In crises that force people to choose among alternative courses of action, most
people will choose the worst one possible.
Ehrman's Commentary:
Things will get worse before they will get better.
Who said things would get better?
Agnes Allen's Law:
Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Alley's Axiom:
Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven.
Anderson's Law:
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at
it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
Andrew's Canoeing Postulate:
No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary:
On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first strike your toes.
Nowlan's Truism:
An 'acceptable level of unemployment' means that the government economist to
whom it is acceptable still has a job.
Moer's Truism:
The trouble with most jobs is the resemblance to being in a sled dog team: No
one gets a change of scenery, except the lead dog.
Gordon's First Law:
If a project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.
Grierson's Law of Minimal Self-Delusion:
Every man nourishes within himself a secret plan for getting rich that will
not work.
Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Gumperson's Law:
The probability of anything happening is inversely proportional to its desirability.
Hoare's Law of Large Problems:
Inside every large problem there is a small problem struggling to get out.
Jones' Motto:
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Mahr's Law of Restrained Involvement:
Don't get any on you.
Maier's Law:
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be discarded.
Munroes Observation:
Common sense is not that common.
Abbott's Admonitions:
1) If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
2) If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy(the "umbrella law"):
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
Acton's Law:
Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Cheop's Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Chesterton's Observation:
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Stanley's Law of Taking Things Apart:
When putting things back together again, there will always be at least one piece
left over that will not fit anywhere.
Etorre's Observation:
The other line always moves faster.
Corollary:
Don't try to change lines. The other line -the one you were in originally- will
then move faster.
Faber's Fourth Law:
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.
Snafu Equation No. 6:
Badness comes in waves.
Ralph's Observation:
It is a mistake to allow any mechanical object to realize that you are in a
hurry.
Manly's Maxim:
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Cannon's Comment:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the
next morning you will have a flat tire.
Cannon's Cogent Comment:
The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.
Scott's Second Law:
When an error has been detected and corrected, it will be found to have been
correct in the first place.
Butler's Law of Progress:
All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organism
to live beyond its income.
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading:
Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional
to the number of viewers.
Bye's Second Law of Model Railroading:
The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to the decline
of the prototype.
Pastore's Truth:
Most jobs are marginally better than daytime TV.
Cahn's Axiom
(Allen's Axiom, or RTFM law):
When all else fails, read the instructions.
Calkin's Law of Menu Language:
The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu
item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting dish.
Cavanaugh's Postulate:
All kookies are not in a jar.
Checkbook Balancer's Law:
In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.
Borstelmann's Rule:
If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
Jones' Law:
The man who can smile when things go wrong...has thought of someone he can blame
it on.
First Law of Bridge:
It's always the partner's fault.
Broder's Law:
Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing
and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
Bucy's Law:
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
Ed Yourdon H Radar's Fundamental Truth:
The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.
Benchley's Law:
Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed
to be doing at that moment.
The Billings Phenomenon:
The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious.
Blaauw's Law:
Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
Blanchard's Newspaper Obituary Law:
If you want your name spelled wrong, die.
Rules of Pratt #1:
If a severe problem manifests itself, no solution is acceptable unless it is
involved, expensive, and time consuming.
Rules of Pratt #2:
Sufficient monies to do the job correctly the first time are not available,
however, ample funds are much easier obtained for repeated revisions.
Boling's Postulate:
If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Bolton's Law of Ascending Budgets:
Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other,
no matter which one may be in excess.
Boston's Irreversible Law of Clutter:
In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage.
RB's Five-Thumb Postulate:
Experience varies directly with the equipment ruined.
Lafayette's Reprisal:
The squeaky wheel gets replaced.
Boob's Law:
You always find something the last place you look.
Boozer's Revision:
A bird in the hand is dead.
G Baker's Law:
Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
Baldy's Law:
Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
Barr's Comment on Domestic Tranquility:
On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy -but
we'll work on it.
Barth's Distinction:
There are two classes of people: those who divide people into two classes, and
those who don't.
Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery:
The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.
Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age:
Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws:
1) That which has not yet been taught directly can never be taught directly.
2) If at first you don't succeed, you will never succeed.
Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
Beauregard's First Law:
When you're up to your nose in it, keep your mouth shut.
Beauregard's Second Law:
All people are cremated equal.
Hunts Law of Suspense:
If any work has a suspense date on it, that work will be completed as close
to the suspense date as possible regardless of how far in advance it was programmed.
Belle's Constant:
The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about
0.6.
Golub's Laws of Computerdom #1:
A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected;
a carefully planned project will take only twice as long.
Golub's Laws of Computerdom #2:
The effort required to correct the error increases geometrically with time.
Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negatives:
No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Avery's Rule of Three:
Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next
job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it is the start of a brand
new series of three.
Babcock's Law:
If it can be borrowed and it can be broken, you will borrow it and you will
break it.
Baker's Byroad:
When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
Lucy's Law:
No good deed goes unpunished.
Lyon's Law of Hesitation:
He who hesitates is last.
Marshall's Generalized Iceberg Theorem:
Seven-eighths of everything can't be seen.
McGoons Law:
The probability of winning is inversely propertional to the amount of the wager.
McGovern's Law:
The longer the title, the less important the job.
McGurk's Law:
Any improbable event which would create maximum confusion if it did occur, will
occur.
H.L. Mencken's Law:
Those who can--do.
Those who cannot--teach.
Those who cannot teach--administrate.
(Martin's Extension)H Miller's Law:
You can't tell how deep a puddle is until you step into it.
Nessen's Law:
Secret sources are more credible.
Nienberg's Law:
Progress is made on alternate Fridays.
O'Brien's Rule:
Nothing is ever done for the right reason.
Astrology Law:
It's always the wrong time of the month.
MIST Law (Man In The Street):
The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity
of your action.
Panic Instruction:
When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
Paradox of Selective Equality:
All thing being equal, all things are never equal.
First Postulate of Isomurphism:
Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Schmidt's Observation:
All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
The Point of No Return Law:
The light at the end of the tunnel could turn out to be the headlight of an
oncoming train.
Handy Guide to Modern Science:
1. If it's green or it wiggles, it's biology.
2. If it stinks, it's chemistry.
3. If it doesn't work, it's physics.
Law of Research:
Enough research will tend to support your theory.
First Law of Laboratory Work:
Hot glass looks exactly the same as cold glass.
Ninety-Ninety Rule of Project Schedules:
The first 90% of the task takes 90% of the time. The last 10% of the task takes
the other 90%.
Nonreciprocal Laws of Expectations:
Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative
results.
The First Myth of Management:
It exists.
The First Law of Management:
Kickbacks must always exceed bribes.
Thoughts on Management:
If everyone dislikes it, it must be looked into.
If everyone likes it, it must be looked into.
Law of Annoyance:
When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're
finished with, you will need it instantly.
The Sausage Principle / Principe de la saucisse:
People who love sausage and respect the law should never watch either one being
made.
Si on aime les saucisses et que l'on respecte la loi, il n'est pas conseiller
de voir comment les deux sont faites.
Law of Reruns / Loi des Rediffusion:
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be
a rerun of the same episode.
Quand on n'à vu une série télévisée qu'une
seule fois auparavant, et qu'on la regarde à nouveau, il s'agit toujours
du même épisode.
Airplane Law / Loi Aéronautique:
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Quand l'avion est en retard, la correspondance est à l'heure.
Law of Revelation / Loi de Révélation:
The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
Les vices cachés ne restent pas cachés.
First Law of Revision / Première Loi de Révison:
Information necessitating a change of design will be conveyed to the designer
after -and only after- the plans are complete. (Often called the 'Now They Tell
Us' Law)
Le designer ne sera mis au courant des informations qui nécessitent
un changement de design qu'une fois les plans achevés. (Connue
sous le nom de Loi du C'est Maintenant Qu'On Me Previent)
Corollary to the First Law of Revision / Corollaire:
In simple cases, presenting one obvious right way versus one obvious wrong way,
it is often wiser to choose the wrong way, so as to expedite subsequent revision.
Dans les cas simples, faire le choix qui est de tout évidence mauvais
plutôt que le meilleur choix, de façon à accélérer
les corrections postérieures.
Second Law of Revision / Deuxième Loi de Révison:
The more innocuous the modification appears to be, the further its influence
will extend and the more plans will have to be redrawn.
Plus une modification semble mineure, plus sont influence sera grande et plus
grand sera le nombre de plans à revoir.
Approval Seeker's Law / Loi de l'Approbation:
Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
Ceux à qui on demande le plus d'approuver, approuvent le moins.
The First Discovery of Christmas Morning / Découverte du matin de
Noël:
Batteries not included.
Les piles ne sont pas inclues.
The First Discovery of Christmas Afternoon / Découverte du soir de
Noël:
Give a kid a new toy -- Dad will play with the toy, the kid will play with the
box it came in.
Un enfant reçoit un jouet: Papa joue avec, et l'enfant joue avec l'emballage.
Law of Character and Appearance / Loi des Apparences et du Charactère:
People don't change; they only become more so.
Les gens ne changent pas, ils sont de plus en plus comme ils sont.
The Law of Selective Gravity / Loi de Gravité Séléctive:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Un objet tombe toujours de telle sorte qu'il cause un maximum de dégâts.
Jenning's Corollary to the Law of Selective Gravity / Corollaire:
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional
to the value of the carpet.
La probabilité qu'une tartine tombe sur son côté beurré
est directement proportionnelle au prix du tapis.
Law of the Perversity of Nature / Loi de Perversité de la Nature:
You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
Il est impossible de savoir à l'avance quel côté de la tartine
beurrer.
Brontosaurus Principle / Principe du Brontosore:
Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation
to their environment and to their own physiology; when this occurs, they are
an endangered species.
Toute organisation se développe plus vite que ses cellules grisent ne
peuvent gérer, eu égard à avec son environnement et à sa physilogie.
A ce point elle devient une espèce en danger.
Brien's First Law / Première Loi de Brien:
At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability
to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Toute organisation atteint un point de son cycle de vie où elle n'arrive
plus à survivre en dépit d'elle-même.
Checkbook Balancer's Law / Loi du Solde Bancaire:
In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.
En cas de litige, la banque trouve toujours un solde inférieur à
nos calculs.
Chili Cook's Secret / Le secret d'un bon ragoût:
If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something
left out, rather than added.
Si la prochaine marmitte de ragoût est meilleure, ce sera probablement du à
un oubli plutôt qu'à un rajout.
The Law of Probable Dispersal / Loi de Probabilité de la Dispersion:
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed (also known as: The How
Come It All Landed On Me Law).
Quand ça tombe, tout le monde n'est pas éclaboussé uniformément
(connu sous le nom de la Loi Du Pourquoi Ca Tombe Sur Moi).
The Golden Rule / Règle d'Or:
Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Celui qui a l'or fait les régles.
The Unapplicable Law / Loi inapplicable:
Washing your car to make it rain doesn't work.
Laver sa voiture pour faire pleuvoir ne marche pas.
The Ultimate Law / Loi Ultime:
All general statements are false.
Toute généralisation est fausse.
ANONYMOUS:
Quand on cherche ses clefs dans une de ses autres poches, on les trouves toujours
dans la quatrième.
When you are looking for your keys in one of your 4 pockets, it will always
be in the fourth one.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Ne jamais sous estimer le pouvoir de la bêtise humaine.
In America, it's not how much an item costs that matters, it's how much you
save.
Ce qui compte ce n'est pas combien ça coûte, mais combien on économise.
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just
don't understand the situation.
Quand on garde son sang froid quand tous
s'agitent autour de soi, peut-être sous-estimons-nous la gravité de la situation.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Ne jamais mettre sur le dos de la malveillance ce qui peut être expliqué par
la stupidité.
Forgive and remember. Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember
you when he is in trouble again.
Aider quelqu'un dans le besoin, c'est s'assurer qu'il se souviendra de nous
quand il est à nouveau dans le besoin.
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
L'imbécile commence toujours par ce que tous les imbéciles ont essayé.
Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
Si on passe suffisamment de temps à définir ce dont on a besoin, on finit par
ne plus en avoir besoin.
Tell me what you need, I will tell you how to do without it.
Dites moi ce dont vous avez besoin, je vous dirai comment vous en passer.
Interchangeable parts won't.
Les pièces interchangeables ne le sont pas.
You never find a lost article until you replace it.
On ne trouve jamais ce qu'on a perdu avant de l'avoir remplacé.
You get the most of what you need the least.
On a toujours trop de ce dont on a le moins besoin.
Life sucks--then you die.
La vie c'est dur au début - puis on meurt.
All great discoveries are made by mistake.
Toutes les grandes découvertes se sont faites par erreur.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Rien ne se fait dans les temps ni le budget.
An onymous.
(Le Paysan Plat.)
Abrams's Advice When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
Absolute Principal Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
Rule of Accuracy When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer. Corollary - Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.
Acheson's Rule of the Bureaucracy A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
Acton's Law Power tends to corrupt; absolute power corrupts absolutely.
Ade's Law Anybody can win -- unless there happens to be a second entry.
Law of Adult Opportunity Opportunity always knocks at the least appropriate moment.
Advanced Systems News Letter The nail that sticks up gets hammered down.
Agnes Allen's Law Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Airplane Law When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Law of Airports The distance to the gate is inversely proportional to the time available to catch the flight.
Alan's Law of Research The theory is supported as long as the funds are.
Albrecht's Law Social innovations tend to the level of minimum tolerable well being.
Alfred's Law of NIMBY'ism [Not in my back yard] The guy holding the biggest sign demanding that the freeway be torn down moved in six years after it was constructed.
Law of Algebra You never catch on until after the test.
Algren's Precepts Never eat at a place called Mom's. Never play cards with a man named Doc. And never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
Law of Alienation Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political system as backing a winning candidate.
Alinsky's Rule For Radicals Those who are most moral are farthest from the problem.
Allen's Axiom When all else fails, follow instructions.
Allen's Biblical Distinction (Allen's Distinction) The lion and the lamb shall lie down together, but the lamb won' t get much sleep.
Allen's Law Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Allen's Law of Civilization It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
Alley's Axiom Justice always prevails... three times out of seven.
Alligator Allegory The objective of all dedicated product support employees should be to thoroughly analyze all situations, anticipate all problems prior to their occurrence, have answers for these problems, and move swiftly to solve these problems when called upon. However, when you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
Alligator Principle When you are up to your ass in alligators, it is difficult to remind yourself that your initial objective was to drain the swamp.
Allison's Precept The best simple-minded test of expertise in a particular area is the ability to win money in a series of bets on future occurrences in that area.
Law of Ambition At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen, school board members, attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen, senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the White House, but few, if any of them, will make it.
Anderson's Law Any system or problem, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even more complicated.
Andrew's Canoeing Postulate No matter which direction you start, it's always against the wind coming back.
Law of Annoyance When working on a project, if you put away a tool that you're certain you're finished with, you will need it instantly.
Anthony's Law of Force Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Anthony's Law of the Workshop Any tool, when dropped, will roll
into the least accessible corner of the workshop.
Corollary - On the way to the corner, any dropped tool will first
and always strike your toes.
Approval Seeker's Law Those whose approval you seek the most give you the least.
The Aquinas Axiom What the gods get away with, the cows don't.
The Arithmetic of Cooperation When you're adding up committees there's a useful rule of thumb: that talents make a difference, and follies make a sum.
Army Axiom Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.
Army Law If it moves, salute it; if it doesn't move, pick it up; if you can't pick it up, paint it.
Arnold's First Law of Documentation If it should exist, it doesn't.
Arnold's Second Law of Documentation If it does exist, it's out of date.
Arnold's Third Law of Documentation Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
Ashleigh's First Law If you can't learn to do it well, you should learn to enjoy doing it badly.
Ashley-Perry Statistical Axioms
Law of Assembly Interchangeable parts won't.
Astrology Law It's always the wrong time of the month.
Atlas's Laws of Medical Research
Attorneys Operating Principle Any simple idea must be worded in
the most complicated way.
Atwoods Corollary No books
are lost by lending except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Law of Attraction Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
Avery's Observation It does not matter if you fall down as long as you pick up something from the floor while you get up.
Avery's Rule of Three Trouble strikes in series of threes, but when working around the house the next job after a series of three is not the fourth job -- it's the start of a brand new series of three.
Avian Law A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
Axiom of Promotions What gets you promoted on one level will get you fired on another.
Axiom of the Pipe. (Trischmann's Paradox) A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
Baer's Quartet What's good politics is bad economics; what's bad politics is good economics; what's good economics is bad politics; what's bad economics is good politics.
Bagdikian's Law of Editor's Speeches The splendor of an editor's speech and the splendor of his newspaper are inversely related to the distance between the city in which he makes his speech and the city in which he publishes his paper.
Baker's Byroad When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.
Baker's Law Misery no longer loves company. Nowadays it insists on it.
Baldy's Law Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it.
The Banana Principle If you buy bananas or avocados before they are ripe, there won't be any left by the time they are ripe. If you buy them ripe, they rot before they are eaten.
Bankers Axiom In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
Bankers Lament Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check
Law of Banks The other line always moves faster. In order to get a loan you must first prove that you don't need it.
Barber's Laws of Backpacking
Barr's Comment on Domestic Tranquillity On a beautiful day like this it's hard to believe anyone can be unhappy -- but we'll work on it.
Barrett's Laws of Driving
Barth's Distinction (Benchley's Law of Distinction) There are two classes of people: those who divide people into two classes, and those who don't.
Bartz's Law of Hokey Horsepuckery The more ridiculous a belief system, the higher the probability of its success.
Baruch's Observation If all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail.
Baruch's Rule for Determining Old Age Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.
Barzun's Laws of Learning
Basic Baggage Principle Whichever carousel you stand near, your baggage will arrive on another one.
Law of Basic Money Dynamics A surprise monetary windfall will be accompanied by an unexpected expense of the same amount.
Baxter's First Law (Baxter's Free Market Laws) Government intervention in the free market always leads to a lower national standard of living. Baxter's Second Law The adoption of fractional gold reserves in a currency system always leads to depreciation, devaluation, demonetization and, ultimately, to complete destruction of that currency. Baxter's Third Law In a free market good money always drives bad money out of circulation.
Beard's addendum to interstate travel The palatability index of any food is inversely proportional to the distance and number of times the restaurant advertises prior to the designated stop.
Beardsley's Warning to Lawyers Beware of and eschew pompous prolixity.
Beauregard's First Law When you're up to your nose in it, keep your mouth shut.
Beauregard's Second Law All people are cremated equal.
Becker's Law It is much harder to find a job than to keep one.
Beckhap's Law Beauty times brains equals a constant.
Beifeld's Principle The probability of a young man meeting a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of (1) a date, (2) his wife, and (3) a better looking and richer male friend.
Belle's Constant The ratio of time involved in work to time available for work is usually about 0.6.
Benchley's Distinction There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.
Benchley's Law Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at that moment.
Berkeley's Laws
Bernstein's First Law Buttered bread tends to fall with the buttered side down.
Bernstein's Second Law A falling body always rolls to the most inaccessible spot.
Berra's Law You can observe a lot just by watching.
Berson's Corollary of Inverse Distances The farther away from the entrance that you have to park, the closer the space vacated by the car that pulls away as you walk up to the door.
Bicycle Law All bicycles weigh 50 pounds: A 30-pound bicycle needs a 20-pound lock and chain. A 40-pound bicycle needs a 10-pound lock and chain. A 50-pound bicycle needs no lock or chain.
First Law of Bicycling No matter which way you ride, it's uphill and against the wind.
The Billings Phenomenon The conclusions of most good operations research studies are obvious.
Billings's Law Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
Blanchard's Newspaper Obituary Law If you want your name spelled wrong, die.
Blauw's Law Established technology tends to persist in spite of new technology.
Law of Blissful Ignorance What you don't know will always hurt you.
Bok's Law If you think education is expensive -- try ignorance.
Boling's Postulate If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
Bolton's Law of Ascending Budgets Under current practices, both expenditures and revenues rise to meet each other, no matter which one may be in excess.
Bombeck's Rule of Medicine Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
Bonafede's Revelation The conventional wisdom is that power is an aphrodisiac. In truth, it's exhausting.
Boob's Law You always find something in the last place you look.
Booker's Law An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
Boozer's Revision A bird in the hand is dead.
Boren's Laws of the Bureaucracy
Borkowski's Law You can't guard against the arbitrary.
Borstelmann's Rule If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane.
Boston's Irreversible Law of Clutter In any household, junk accumulates to fill the space available for its storage.
Boultbee's Criterion If the converse of a statement is absurd, the original statement is an insult to the intelligence and should never have been said.
Bove's Theorem The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
Boyle's Laws
Boyle's Observation A welfare state is one that assumes responsibility for the health, happiness, and general well being of all its citizens except the taxpayers.
Boyle's Other Law The first pull on the cord ALWAYS sends the drapes in the wrong direction.
Branch's First Law of Crisis The spirit of public service will rise, and the bureaucracy will multiply itself much faster, in time of grave national concern.
First Law of Bridge It's always the partner's fault.
Brien's First Law At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.
Brigg's Law of Traffic At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
Brinks's Observation No armored car loaded with bags of money ever turned over and spilled its load in the street, in a good neighborhood.
Broder's Law Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.
Brontosaurus Principle Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology; when this occurs, they are an endangered species.
Brook's Laws
Brooks' First Law Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Brooks' Second Law Whenever a system becomes completely defined, someone discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.
(Jerry) Brown's Law Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.
(Sam) Brown's Law Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.
(Tony) Brown's Law of Business Success Our customer's paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.
Brownian Motion Rule of Bureaucracies It is impossible to distinguish, from a distance, whether the bureaucrats associated with your project are simply sitting on their hands, or frantically trying to cover their asses. Heisenberg's Addendum to Brownian Bureaucracy: If you observe a bureaucrat closely enough to make the distinction above, he will react to your observation by covering his ass.
Bruce-Briggs's Law of Traffic At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.
Bryson's Law of Repairs
Buchwald's Law As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.
Bucy's Law Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.
The Bumper To Bumper Theorem Traffic congestion increases in proportion to the length of time the street is supervised by a traffic control officer.
Bunuel's Law Overdoing things is harmful in all cases, even when it comes to efficiency.
Law of Bureaucracy When a problem goes away, the people working to solve it do not.
Bureaucratic Cop-Out #1 You should have seen it when *I* got it.
Burns's Balance If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions aren't likely to be very good.
Bus Transportation Laws
Business Maxims
Bustlin' Billy's Bogus Beliefs
Butler's Law of Progress All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.
Bye's First Law of Model Railroading Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.
Bye's Second Law of Model Railroading The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to the decline of the prototype.
Cahn's Axiom (Allen's Axiom) When all else fails, read the instructions.
Calkin's Law of Menu Language The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting dish.
Camp's Law A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.
Campbell's Law Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.
Canada Bill Jones's Motto It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
Canada Bill Jones's Supplement A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Cannon's Cogent Comment The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.
Cannon's Comment If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Captain Penny's Law You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you can't fool MOM.
The Cardinal Conundrum An optimist believes that we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears that this is true.
Carpenters Law If you have only one nail, it will bend.
Carson's Law It's better to be rich and healthy than poor and sick.
Cartoon Laws
Cavanaugh's Postulate All kookies are not in a jar.
Cayo's Law The only things that start on time are those that you're late for.
Chappaquidick Theorem The sooner and in more detail you announce the bad news, the better.
Law of Character and Appearance People don't change; they only become more so.
Chase's Contentions
Chase's Observations of Human Belief
Chase's Rule For Success Trust only those who stand to lose as much as you when things go wrong.
Chases Laws of Car Repairs
Checkbook Balancer's Law In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.
Cheops's Law Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
Chesterton's Observation I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
Chili Cook's Secret If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.
Chisholm's First Law and Corollary see Murphy's
Third and Fifth Laws.
Chisholm's Second Law When things are going well, something
will go wrong. Corollaries:
Churchill's Commentary on Man Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on as though nothing has happened.
Ciardi's Poetry Law Whenever in time, and wherever in the universe, any man speaks or writes in any detail about the technical management of a poem, the resulting irascibility of the reader's response is a constant.
Cirino's Law of Burnt Fingers Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.
Clark's First Law of Relativity No matter how often you trade dinner or other invitations with in-laws, you will lose a small fortune in the exchange. Corollary - Don't try it: you cannot drink enough of your in-laws' booze to get even before your liver fails.
Clark's Law It's always darkest just before the lights go out.
Clarke's First Law When a distinguished but elderly scientist states
that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that
something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
Corollary (Asimov) - When the lay public rallies round an idea that
is denounced by distinguished but elderly scientists, and supports that idea
with great fervor and emotion -- the distinguished but elderly scientists
are then, after all, right.
Clarke's Second Law The limits of the possible can only
be defined by going beyond them into the impossible.
Clarke's Third Law Any sufficiently advanced technology
is indistinguishable from magic.
Clarke's Law of Revolutionary Ideas Every revolutionary idea -- in Science, Politics, Art or Whatever -- evokes three stages of reaction. They may be summed up by the three phrases:
Cleveland's Highway Law Highways in the worst need of repair naturally have low traffic counts, which results in low priority for repair work.
Clopton's Law For every credibility gap there is a gullibility fill.
Clyde's Law If you have something to do, and put it off long enough, chances are that someone else will do it for you.
Cohen's Law What really matters is the name you succeed in imposing on the facts -- not the facts themselves.
Cohen's Laws of Politics
Law of Alienation Nothing can so alienate a voter from the political
system as backing a winning candidate.
Law of Ambition At any one time, thousands of borough councilmen,
school board members, attorneys, and businessmen -- as well as congressmen,
senators, and governors -- are dreaming of the White House, but few, if any
of them, will make it.
Law of Attraction Power attracts people but it cannot hold them.
Law of Competition The more qualified candidates who are available,
the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification
is a nonthreatening incompetence.
Law of Inside Dope There are many inside dopes in politics and government.
Law of Lawmaking Those who express random thoughts to legislative
committees are often surprised and appalled to find themselves the instigators
of law.
Law of Permanence Political power is as permanent as today's newspaper.
Ten years from now, few will know or care who the most powerful man in any
state was today.
Law of Secrecy The best way to publicize a governmental or political
action is to attempt to hide it.
Law of Wealth Victory goes to the candidate with the most accumulated
or contributed wealth who has the financial resources to convince the middle
class and poor that he will be on their side.
Law of Wisdom Wisdom is considered a sign of weakness by the powerful
because a wise man can lead without power but only a powerful man can lead
without wisdom.
Cohn's Law The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time doing nothing but reporting on the nothing you are doing.
Cole's Axiom The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Cole's Law Thinly sliced cabbage.
Colson's Law When you've got them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
Comin's Law People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
Committee Law
Committee Rules
Commoner's Three Laws of Ecology
Compensation Corollary The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% of the observed measurments must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with theory.
Law of Competition The more qualified candidates who are available, the more likely the compromise will be on the candidate whose main qualification is a nonthreatening incompetence.
Law of Computability Any system or program, however complicated, if looked at in exactly the right way, will become even more complicated.
Law of Computability Applied to Social Science (Brook's Law) If at first you don't succeed, transform your data set.
Conference Principle The speaker with the most monotonous voice speaks after the big meal.
Connolly's Law of Cost Control The price of any product produced for a government agency will be not less than the square of the initial Firm Fixed-Price Contract.
Connolly's Rule for Political Incumbents Short-term success with voters on any side of a given issue can be guaranteed by creating a long-term special study commission made up of at least three divergent interest groups.
Conrad's Conundrum (Stentson's Law) Technologie don't transfer.
Considine's Law Whenever one word or letter can change the entire meaning of a sentence, the probability of an error being made will be in direct proportion to the embarrassment it will cause.
Consultation Law The job that pays the most will be offered when there is no time to deliver the services.
Law of Consumer Economics If the shoe fits, it's ugly. If it's good, they discontinue it.
Conway's Law In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Conway's Law #1 If you assign N persons to write a compiler you'll get a N-1 pass compiler.
Conway's Law #2 In every organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.
Cook's Law Much work, much food; little work, little food; no work, burial at sea.
Cook's Laws of Travel
Cooke's Law In any decisive situation, the amount of relevant information available is inversely proportional to the importance of the decision.
Coolidge's Immutable Observation When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results.
Cooper's Law All machines are amplifiers.
Cooper's Metalaw A proliferation of new laws creates a proliferation of new loopholes.
Corcoroni's Laws of Bus Transportation
Cornuelle's Law Authority tends to assign jobs to those least able to do them.
Law of Correctibility No matter how well you perform your job, a superior will seek to modify the results.
Corry's Law Paper is always strongest at the perforations.
Cosmetologist's Principle Whenever you need to stop at a light to put on makeup, every light will be green.
Courtois's Rule If people listened to themselves more often, they'd talk less.
Crane's Law (Friedman's Reiteration) There ain't no such thing as a free lunch. ("tanstaafl")
Crane's Rule There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
Cripp's Law When traveling with children on one's holidays, at least one child of any number of children will request a rest room stop exactly halfway between any two given rest areas.
Cropp's Law The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.
Culshaw's First Principle of Recorded Sound Anything, no matter how bad, will sound good if played back at a very high level for a short time.
Cutler Webster's Law There are two sides to every argument unless a man is personally involved, in which case there is only one.
Law of Cybernetic Entomology There's always one more bug.
Czecinski's Conclusion There is only one thing worse than dreaming you are at a conference and waking to find that you are at a conference, and that is the conference where you can't fall asleep.
Darrow's Observation History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.
Darwin's Observation Nature will tell you a direct lie if she can.
Dave's Law of Advice Those with the best advice offer no advice.
Dave's Rule of Street Survival Speak softly and own a big, mean Doberman.
Davidson's Maxim Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.
Davis's Basic Law of Medicine Pills to be taken in twos always come out of the bottle in threes.
Dawson's Rules of Superior Inferiority
Deadline-Dan's Demo Demonstration The higher the ``higher-ups'' are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
Deadlock's Law If the law-makers make a compromise, the place where it will be felt most is the taxpayer's pocket. Corollary - The compromise will always be more expensive than either of the suggestions it is compromising.
Dean Martin's Definition of Drunkenness You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Dean's Law of the District of Columbia Washington is a much better place if you are asking questions rather than answering them.
First Law of Debate Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Decaprio's Rule Everything takes more time and money.
Deitz's Law of Ego The fury engendered by the misspelling of a name in a column is in direct ratio to the obscurity of the mentionee.
Demian's Observation There is always one item on the screen menu thatis mislabeled and should read "`Abandon all hope Ye who enter here".
Dennis's Principles of Management by Crisis
Denniston's Law Virtue is its own punishment.
Fifth Law of Design Design flaws travel in groups.
Dhawan's Laws for the Non-Smoker
Dictum One should always prefer the probable impossible to the improbable possible.
Dieter's Law Food that tastes the best has the highest number of calories.
Dijkstra's Prescription for Programming Inertia If you don't know what your program is supposed to do, you'd better not start writing it.
Diners Dilemmas
Dingle's Law When someone drops something, everybody will kick it around instead of picking it up.
Diogenes's First Dictum The more heavily a man is supposed to be taxed, the more power he has to escape being taxed.
Diogenes's Second Dictum If a taxpayer thinks he can cheat safely, he probably will.
Dirksen's Three Laws of Politics
The First Discovery of Christmas Morning Batteries not included. The First Discovery of Christmas Afternoon Give a kid a new toy- Dad will play with the toy, the kid will play with the box it came in.
Doc's Laws of Automotive Repair
Law of Doctoring It never heals correctly.
Dolly Parton's Principle The bigger they are, the harder it is to see your shoes.
Donohue's Law Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
Donsen's Law The specialist learns more and more about less and less until, finally, he knows everything about nothing; whereas the generalist learns less and less about more and more until, finally, he knows nothing about everything.
Dooley's Law Trust everybody, but cut the cards.
Douglas's Law of Practical Aeronautical design When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.
Douglas's Law of Practical Aeronautics When the weight of the paperwork equals the weight of the plane, the plane will fly.
Dow's Law In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.
First Law of Driving There is no traffic until you start to back out of your driveway.
Law of Driving Dynamics The speed of an oncoming vehicle is directly proportional to the length of the passing zone.
Dror's First Law While the difficulties and dangers of problems tend to increase at a geometric rate, the knowledge and manpower qualified to deal with these problems tend to increase linearly.
Dror's Second Law While human capacities to shape the environment, society, and human beings are rapidly increasing, policymaking capabilities to use those capacities remain the same.
Dryer's Law of Timing If you're early, it'll be canceled. If you knock yourself out to be on time you will have to wait. If you're late, you will be too late.
Ducharme's Precept Opportunity always knocks at the least opportune moment.
Dude's Law of Duality Of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
Dunn's Discovery The shortest measurable interval of time is the time between the moment one puts a little extra aside for a sudden emergency and the arrival of that emergency.
Dunne's Law The territory behind rhetoric is too often mined with equivocation.
Durant's Discovery One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
Durrell's Parameter The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.
Dyer's Law A continuing flow of paper is sufficient to continue the flow of paper.
Dykstra's Law Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Economists' Laws
Ed Yourdonradar's Fundamental Truth The grass is brown on both sides of the fence.
Ed's Fifth Rule of Procrastination Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear.
Edds Law of Radiology The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body you are required to place on it.
Edington's Theory The number of different hypotheses erected to explain a given biological phenomenon is inversely proportional to the available knowledge.
Law of Editorial Correction Anyone nit-picking enough to write a letter of correction to an editor doubtless deserves the error that provoked it.
Ehre's Double-Door Law In approaching a double door, you will always go to the one door that is locked, pull when you should have pushed, and push when the sign says pull.
Ehrlich's Rule The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.
Ehrman's Commentary Things will get worse before they will get better. Who said things would get better?
Ehrman's Commentary on Ginberg's Theorem
Electronic theorem of television sets A $300 picture tube will protect a 10½ fuse by blowing first
Elena's Laws of Animal Behavior The probability of a cat eating it's dinner has absolutely nothing to do with the price of the food placed before it.
Eliot's Observation Nothing is so good as it seems beforehand.
Ellenberg's Theory One good turn gets most of the blanket.
Emerson's Insight That which we call sin in others is experiment for us.
Eng's Principles The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
The "Enough Already" Law The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
Law of Entropy If you put a spoonful of wine in a barrel full of sewage you get sewage. If you put a spoonful of sewage into a barrel full of wine you still get sewage.
Epstein's Law If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it.
Erhard's Contention Nothing matters very much, and few things matter at all.
Erskines Observation on Government Procurement An elephant is a mouse built to government specifications.
Etorre's Observation The other line moves faster. Corollary - Don't try to change lines. The other line -- the one you were in originally -- will then move faster.
Ettorre's Observation The other line moves faster.
Evans's Law Nothing worth a damn is ever done as a matter of principle. (If it is worth doing, it is done because it is worth doing. If it is not, it's done as a matter of principle.)
Evans's Law of Politics When team members are finally in a position to help the team, it turns out they have quit the team.
Eve's Discovery At a bargain sale, the only suit or dress that you like best and that fits is the one not on sale. Adam's Corollary - It's easy to tell when you've got a bargain -- it doesn't fit.
Evelyn's Rules for Bureaucratic Survival
Everitt's Form of the Second Law of Thermodynamics Confusion (entropy) is always increasing in society. Only if someone or something works extremely hard can this confusion be reduced to order in a limited region. Nevertheless, this effort will stil result in an increase in the total confusion of society at large.
Evvie Nef's Law There is a solution to every problem; the only difficulty is finding it.
Experiential Law Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment.
First Law of Expert Advice Don't ask the barber whether you need a haircut.
Extended Epstein-Heisenberg Principle In an R & D orbit, only 2 of the existing 3 parameters can be defined simultaneously. The parameters are: task, time, and resources ($).
Extended Murphy's Law If a series of events can go wrong, it will do so in the worst possible sequence.
Rule of Failure If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you have tried.
Fairfax's Law Any facts which, when included in the argument, give the desired result, are fair facts for the argument.
Falkland's Rule When it is not necessary to make a decision, it is necessary not to make a decision.
Law of Fallibility Everything put together falls apart sooner or later. Sooner or later, the worst possible set of circumstances is bound to occur.
Farber's Laws
Farnsdick's corollary After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Farrow's Finding If God had intended for us to go to concerts, He would have given us tickets.
Law of Fashion Any given dress is: indecent 10 years before its time, daring 1 year before its time, chic in its time, dowdy 3 years after its time, hideous 20 years after its time, amusing 30 years after its time, romantic 100 years after its time, and beautiful 150 years after its time.
Faust's First Law of Synergism The one day you'd sell your soul for something, souls are a glut on the market.
Featherkile's Rule Whatever you did, that's what you planned to do.
Rule of Feline Frustration When your cat has fallen asleep on your lap and looks utterly content and adorable, you will suddenly have to go to the bathroom.
Feline Law A cat walking into a room containing twelve seated people will jump into the lap of the person who hates cats the most.
Femo's Law Of Automotive Engine Repairing If you drop something, it will never reach the ground.
Ferguson's Precept A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
Fetridge's Law Important things that are supposed to happen do not happen, especially when people are looking.
Fett's Law of the Lab Never replicate a successful experiment.
Fett's Law of the Lab (Fett's Law) Never replicate a successful experiment.
Finagle's Creed Science is Truth. Don't be misled by fact.
Finagle's First Law If an experiment works, something has gone wrong. Finagle's Second Law No matter what the experiment's result, there will always be someone eager to:
Finagle's Law According to Niven The perversity of the universe tends to a maximum.
Finagle's Laws of Information
Finagle's Rules Ever since the first scientific experiment, man has been plagued by the increasing antagonism of nature. It seems only right that nature should be logical and neat, but experience has shown that this is not the case. A further series of rules has been formulated, designed to help man accept the pigheadedness of nature.
Finnigan's Law In any collection of data, the figure most obviously correct, beyond all need of checking is the mistake.
Finster's Law A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Firestone's Law of Forcasting Chicken Little only has to be right once.
Firth's Law of Tailoring No matter how many alterations, cheap pants never fit.
Fishbein's Conclusion The tire is only flat on the bottom.
Fitz-Gibbon's Law Creativity varies inversely with the number of cooks involved with the broth.
Flagle's Law of the Perversity of Inanimate Objects (Flap's Law) Any inanimate object, regardless of its composition or configuration, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner, for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.
Flaw of Long-Range Planning The longer ahead you plan a special event, and the more special it is, the more likely it is to go wrong.
Flip Wilson's Law You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickles in the machine.
Law For Free-Lance Artists
Ford Pinto Rule Never buy a car that has a wick.
Formula for Public Office Survival
Forsyth's Second Corollary to Murphy's Laws Just when you see the light at the end of the tunnel, the roof caves in.
Forthoffer's Cynical Summary of Barzun's Laws
Fortis's Three Great Lies of Life
Foster's Law If you cover a congressional committee on a regular basis, they will report the bill on your day off.
Fourteenth Corollary of Atwood's General Law of Dynamic Negatives No books are lost by loaning except those you particularly wanted to keep.
Fowler's Law In a bureaucracy, accomplishment is inversely proportional to the volume of paper used.
Fowler's Note The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.
Frankel's Law Whatever happens in government could have happened differently, and it usually would have been better if it had. Corollary - Once things have happened, no matter how accidentally, they will be regarded as manifestations of an unchangeable Higher Reason.
Franklin's Observation He that lives upon Hope dies farting.
Franklin's Rule Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall not be disappointed.
Fred Allen's Motto I'd rather have a free bottle in front of me than a prefrontal lobotomy.
Freddie's Laws of Biomechanics The severity of the itch is directly proportional to:
Freeman's Commentary on Ginberg's Theorem Every major philosophy that attempts to make life seem meaningful is based on the negation of one part of Ginsberg's Theorem. To wit:
Freeman's Rule Nothing is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.
Freemon's Rule Circumstances can force a generalized incompetent to become competent, at least in a specialized field.
Fried's Law Ideas endure and prosper in inverse proportion to their soundness and validity.
Law of Friendship Anyone who is popular is bound to be disliked.
Frisch's Law You cannot have a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Frothingham's Fallacy Time is money.
Fudd's First Law of Opposition If you push something hard enough, it will fall over.
Fulton's Law When you need to knock on wood is when you discover that the world is made of aluminum, vinyl and fiberglass.
Fundamental Tenet of Reform Reforms come from below. No man with four aces howls for a new deal.
Funkhouser's Law of the Power of the Press The quality of legislation passed to deal with a problem is inversely proportional to the volume of media clamor that brought it on.
The Futility Factor (Carson's Consolation) No experiment is ever a complete failure -- it can always serve as a bad example, or the exception that proves the rule (but only if it is the first experiment in the series).
Law of Future Results Nothing ever comes out as planned.
Fyffe's Axiom The problem-solving process will always break down at the point at which it is possible to determine who caused the problem.
Galbraith's Law of Political Wisdom Anyone who says he isn't going to resign, four times, definitely will.
Galbraith's Law of Prominence Getting on the cover of "Time" guarantees the existence of opposition in the future.
Gallois's Revelation
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes back out but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow ennobled, and no one dares to criticize it.
Corollary - An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the Grand Fallacy.
Gardner's Rule of Society The society which scorns excellence in plumbing because plumbing is a humble activity and tolerates shoddiness in philosophy because it is an exalted activity will have neither good plumbing nor good philosophy. Neither its pipes nor its theories will hold water.
Garfinkle's Law of Quality of two possible events, only the undesired one will occur.
Gell-Mann's Dictum Whatever isn't forbidden is required. Corollary - If there's no reason why something shouldn't exist, then it must exist.
Law of General Assistance In dealing with their own problems, helping professionals are the most extreme conservatives.. In dealing with the problems of others, they are the most extreme liberals.
Law of Generalizations All generalizations are fa